Mindfulness: The Beginning Place
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If you want to be more present and less reactive in your life, try to start a meditation practice. People have many misconceptions about meditating; that it requires sitting in a lotus position on the floor, that you have to completely clear your mind otherwise you fail. This is BS. There are many different kinds of meditation but a very simple one is mindfulness meditation. Try setting a timer for 5 minutes, sit comfortably on a chair or in bed, close your eyes, and breathe in and out through the nose. Try to notice the sounds your breaths make as you inhale and exhale, notice the way your shoulders rise and fall, the way your belly and chest expand and contract, how fast or slow the breath is, how deep or shallow. If you get distracted and your mind drifts to a sound around you, a sensation in the body, or a train of thought - it’s okay! The point is that you noticed your mind wandering, and you can just bring your attention back to your breath. No matter how scattered your brain feels or how restless your body feels, when that timer goes off you can say that you meditated! There is no success or failure in meditation, it’s just about doing it. Try this for a week and see how you feel. If you prefer guided meditations, my favorite app is Insight Timer - it’s free, there are thousands of meditations along with music and classes, and you can choose meditations based on how long you want to meditate or what you want to work on (anxiety, sleep, etc).
Mindfulness is more than just a buzzword, it saved my life. When I was 25 I was in a deep depression, a quarter-life crisis of sorts. I hated my job, I was not satisfied in my relationship, and I felt a complete lack of purpose or direction. My stepmom suggested I make a “bucketlist” and, out of desperation and a lack of better ideas, I did it. She then challenged me to choose 1 item on the list to do immediately - and I selected “attend a yoga retreat.” When I started looking into it, however, I thought ‘wow these are CRAZY expensive and when I come back I will be in the same place.’ So I decided to look into yoga teacher trainings - that way, when I returned I would be able to teach and make money. I quit my job and flew to Rishikesh, India for a 200-hour yoga teacher training.
I was completely out of my element. I had never traveled alone, and now I chose India? Am I insane? Probably. But what started out as a crazy idea became the most rewarding journey and, though I didn’t know it at the time, the beginning of my career path. For what felt like the first time in my life I was doing something just because I wanted to do it, not because my parents wanted it for me or because it looked good on a resume. It was an incredible and at times grueling experience - we woke up at 6am every day, did yoga for 3 hours daily, and took classes in anatomy, philosophy, and meditation. It was here that I was introduced to mindfulness. My life had always been about doing as much as possible in the least amount of time, I was so disconnected from myself. I remember learning how to pay attention to my breath, close my eyes, sit in stillness, notice the present moment - and the floodgates opened. It felt like a lifetime of stifled emotion was let loose, and I was getting to know myself in an entirely new way.
After this trip, mindfulness became a passion. Since then I’ve read books, watched Ted Talks, found a therapist who is also a mindfulness teacher (and I took her course), and I’ve incorporated it into my work. I have experienced again and again the power of simply noticing the present moment, my thoughts, my feelings, and not reacting to them or numbing them. Whenever I see a problem in my life and want to solve it, the place I always begin is mindfulness. I get curious about everything related to the problem - how and when it manifests, how it affects me and others, what is reinforcing the problem, and so on. Mindfulness also reduces shame, which is why I love using it with my clients. It is not just about being aware of the present moment, but it is about being aware without judgment. My clients will come to me with a problem that they feel ashamed about, and I move away from blaming and shaming and towards curiosity: our problems do not have to mean anything about how good or bad we are, they can just be there, and we can simply notice them without judgment until we figure out (with help) how we want to respond in a way that aligns with our values.
Mindfulness is a practice. I try to meditate daily, pause when I am agitated and notice what is going on inside me, and I try to pay attention to the way I talk to myself (this can have a HUGE effect on our mood and actions). Mindfulness allows me to feel like I am constantly learning about myself, others, and the world. It is something I love to share with others, so if this approach sounds like it might be helpful, join me at the beginning place and schedule a consultation today!